Our parents are our first role models in life. They teach us about safety, security and our value as people. They also teach us about relationships –about respect, trust and how to be with another person.
For those of us brought up in families where constant conflict exists, our parents teach us that being married, or being in a committed relationship, means being frequently angry at one another. As children, we do not always understand what parents or adults fight about, but we certainly recognise anger and upset feelings when we are around them. Children raised in an atmosphere of loud angry voices, recriminations and accusations can grow up to be adults who avoid conflict at any cost. They may be unwilling, or even unable, to voice their own emotions or opinions that are negative or different from that of their partner’s.
Another thing that we learn about as children from our parents is trust. Trust takes many forms. It can be trust that the world is a safe place, where our needs will be met, or trust in the people around us. Children who are abused, neglected, ignored or regularly criticised, often become adults who have a very difficult time relaxing and trusting that it is okay to let down our emotional guards and to let someone else in.
Even those of us who were not victims of physical or serious emotional abuse as children can still have a difficult time trusting intimate others, if we come from a family that did not value us for simply being who we were as individuals. (This article is electronically protected – Copyright © Associated Counsellors & Psychologists Sydney PTY LTD)