counselling for problems with anger

Anger Management Skills

If you have trouble managing the way you express your anger these tips can help you regain control.

1. Remove yourself

If you have a tendency to act against your best interests when you get angry, remove yourself from the situation as soon as you feel your anger rise. Tell the person you are angry with that you are taking some time out.

2. Calm

Next, try and calm yourself by breathing slowly. Reassure yourself that you will be better able to address the situation once you are relaxed. In your mind or out loud, say the word RELAX to yourself on each out-breath for 20 deep and slow breaths.

3. Notice

Next, try and go back in your mind ad notice what has brought on your angry feeling. If you are not sure, try and remember when you still felt calm or good, and try to remember when things became unpleasant for you. Remember that an anger outburst often begins life as a small irritation.

Learn about the smaller signals that can build to anger, like irritation or frustration and start to notice these. Check your environment and your body for irritants like chronic pain or a generally uncomfortable environment, or persons or behaviours that irritate you.

4. Plan & respond

Once you have notice what causes your anger, especially if it has been caused by another person, see if you can express it, at first to yourself, in terms of what you need. Please don’t blame the other person, but respect their position and put it in a way which is likely to get their understanding and cooperation.

Try and use “I” statements. For example: When I come home I need a few minutes to unwind. I find I get angry when I have to respond to demands right away. I know you have been busy too and we have a lot to get through of an evening, but would you mind giving me a second before asking to help out with the chores? I would appreciate it.”

Remember not to engage the other person until you feel you can do so in a way that doesn’t threaten them or disrespect their position. This could take up to an hour after you first got angry.

If you can’t find such a position, you may still wish to make a statement about your anger. However, when you are at the height of your angry feelings it is unlikely that the issue will be resolved, especially if the other person isn’t able to hear your perspective and receives them as criticisms. This will depend on the nature of your relationship and each persons personality.

To summarise, try and think of what has made you angry. Try and phrase this in terms that account for the other persons perspective of the situation also. Try and put it in a way that you think will maximise the other persons chances of hearing you without feeling attacked themselves. Then calmly state your case. If the other person escalates, don’t follow.

5. Maintain

Keep a log of your anger throughout the day. Note down any triggers. Get to know your anger and its sources. Learn relaxation skills, assertive communication skills, manage your environment and body and try to do some exercise.

Finally, seek professional help especially if you feel your anger is longstanding and a part of your personality or make up. Someetimes a longer term psychotherapy based approach can be a more appropriate treatment to deal with underlying triggers for anger which the person may not be able to be aware or if the person experiences states of mind and feelings which simply overwhelm their capacities to soothe themselves.

In such cases, a trained therapist such as a professional counsellor or psychologist can help establish a relationship with the person where triggers, perhaps historic ones are understood and where the capacity to regulate emotions is vastly improved.

Why am I so angry?

For some people anger is so engrained in their personality that speaking to a counsellor or psychologist helps them to uncover the motivations behind their anger. Remember that most people become angered when they feel that an injustice is occurring or when they feel that too much of a burden is being placed on them. If you are being treated unfairly or if you have more on than you can cope cope with, effective communication and anger management skills training can be most useful.

At other times, the injustices you are feeling may be more perceived than real . In other words, you may be experiencing anger although you can’t quite place the source of it, or you feel yourself getting more angry than you think you ought to be. Perhaps at times your anger just doesn’t make any sense to you. In such cases, it may be that your frustrations are based on past experiences and that these experiences have lead you to cloud the way you now see your situation and the intentions of the people around you.

Associated Counsellors & Psychologists Sydney are a leading provider of Anger Management Counselling Services.

Call us today to regain control over your anger.

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